The Sword in the Golden Platformish Thing
by Teslyn
Summary: [Now with an epilogue! Le gaspeh!] An Athurian saga:The dramatic tale of Lord Sir Knight Sesshomaru, Sir Inuyasha, the damsel in distress Lady!Kagome, Squire Myouga, Page Jaken... and the newly drawn Tessaiga. Chaos ensues.[Slight Crack. R&R]
1. Chapter 1

**Name: **The Sword in the Golden-Platformish-Thing

**Genres: **Humor/Parody

**Pairings:** None

**Rating:** PG

**Word Count: **759-ish

**Summary:** A King Arthurian take on Kagome, Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, Myouga, the newly drawn Tessaiga. Chaos ensues.

* * *

Once upon a time, there was a high and mighty Lord of all the Western Lands. The lord had two sons, and he wished for only one of them to be his heir. Of course, to choose his heir, he needed to have a fool-proof test… 

---

Two brothers fought over the sword and over who would draw it. The elder brother had already inherited his father's lands, and Inuyasha, after a long, enlightening nap, had decided to challenge Sesshomaru's claim. So the issue had been taken to Squire Myouga, who said that there was a sword… stuck in a gold-platformish-thing… and whoever drew it was the _true_ Lord of all the Western Lands.

Currently, Sir Sesshomaru of Taisho, the Head of House Taisho, Lord of the Western Lands, had lowered himself to beating up his former squire, and little brother, Sir Inuyasha of Forestandthewell.

It was obvious who was going to win. The Lord Knight Sesshomaru had the upper hand. He was smarter, stronger, had better weaponry, better attacks, better strategies, more balance, more skill, a brain, and, of course, he had the Fluffy Pelt of Doom. Sir Inuyasha had only two things on the Lord Knight – he had better armor and he was _way_ better at sulking.

Not that sulking had anything to do with the outcome of the match.

Oh, and he had his fair damsel in distress.

"Sir Inuyasha! C'mon, get 'im!" the eccentric Lady Kagome of Higurashi, heir to the Higurashi lands, cried, trying to give her Knight in Shining Armor a boost of confidence.

Sir Inuyasha smirked to himself. He patted the white handkerchief at his breast – the handkerchief Lady Kagome had given him as token of her love. To show he returned her feelings, he wore the token into battle.

"You stupid noble!" Jaken, Lord Knight Sesshomaru's page cried, and rushed to subdue the Lady with his wooden practice staff.

The lady, trained in the art of Wildly Flailing at Green Toads, wildly flailed at Jaken, who was promptly whacked away by a random, lucky blow.

'_Oh no! Whatever shall I do? The Lord Knight is beating up my knight! Nyuuu!' _… Following this line of thought, Lady Kagome eventually decided that she would grab the sword from the platform-y thing, and give it to her courageous knight.

Rushing up to it, she gripped the sword. '_C'mon, Kagome!'_ She thought, cheering herself on. She tensed, ready to attempt to pull the sword from the platform. Then she tripped, and gripped the sword as an anchor.

Unfortunately, the sword chose that moment to be a prick, and decided the damsel in distress would _not_ use it as an anchor. The end result?

Lady Kagome fell off the platform, with Tessaiga in her hands. Her eyes widened, and she called out tentatively. "…Inu- Inuyasha…?"

---

The brothers were so engaged in their fight, they didn't even notice the small skirmish that occurred betwixt the Lord Knight's page, and Sir Inuyasha's lady. Nor did they notice Lady Kagome as she scrambled up to the sword.

But, they both heard Lady Kagome as she called Inuyasha's name.

They both looked at the lady.

They both saw the Tessaiga in her hands, and the empty platform behind her.

"…"

They were both speechless.

---

"Lady Kagome! You drew the sword!" Myouga cried out in surprise.

"Er… I guess I did," She blinked in confusion as Myouga hopped over to the platform.

"And I quote, from the platform, 'Who so pulleth out this sword from thy Golden-Platform-ish Thing, is rightwise ruler born of all the Western Lands!'"

"WHAT?!" Two voices – belonging to a distressed damsel and an outraged knight – screeched in unison. Lord Knight Sesshomaru was too cool to screech, though he wanted to. So he contented himself with a "…".

"Oh, I forgot something! In fine text, beneath what I just read says… 'If thy puller of thy sword happens to be female, she shalt marry the eldest son of Lord Sir Knight Inu of Taisho' – that's Sesshomaru! – 'and they shall bear an heir who is the _true_ Lord of the Western Lands.' Ah, how romantic!" Myouga exclaimed.

… _Then_ Sesshomaru felt the need to scream, "WHAT?!"

Inuyasha decided it was the perfect moment to faint clean away.

Lady Kagome, seeing the two males were unfit to take action, drew a random paintbrush out of her kimono.

Joining Myouga by the stand, she began to write something.

When she pulled away, Myouga gaped at the new writing, and they shared a devilish grin.

The second part of Inu of Taisho's 'will', for lack of a better word, was shaded in.

**A/N:**

**-grin-**

**o.o Please review? xD**

**Aes Sedai- **


	2. The Epilogue

**Name: **The Epilogue

**Rating: **K+

**Pairings:** Force Sessh/kag.

**Summary: **The epilogue. Because every great fairytale has to have a happy ending. (Trying a new style. Extremely random.)

**Author's Notes:** A big thanks to _Lone Bird_ for beta-ing:D

* * *

Sesshomaru glared at the human noble in disdain. He decided that he hated the Lady, he hated the Tessaiga, he hated the Squire Myouga, he hated the shading in of his father's 'will', and, speaking of Inu of Taisho, Sesshomaru hated _him_ too. With the fiery passion of Hell.

He also hated Sir Inuyasha of Forestandthewell, but it is assumed that everyone knows _that _(and if you don't, Sesshomaru fears for your sanity and intelligence, and you should fear for your life.)

---

"Lady Kagome, you will do well to hand over the Tessaiga to me. _Now._" Threatening.

"No! Kami, I thought you'd be more of a chivalric gentleman, being the Lord Knight of the Western Lands and all. Please do explain, why should you get it _my_ new sword if you couldn't draw it, _my Lord Knight_?" Consternation. Sarcasm.

"_My lady_, might I remind you that you just defiled my father's will?" Superior.

"Sure, but it was for a good cau-" Diplomatic. Cut off.

"-_You shaded in my father's final will._" Cuts off. Angry.

"Oh, so are you saying you _want_ to marry me now? Ewwww! " Mock alarm.

"What ever gave you _that_ notion, wench?" Mildly surprised.

"Well, you just yelled at me for writing over the part of Lord Inu's will that declared I should marry you. So I just decided on a logical explanation for your act- mmph!" Enlightening. Cut off.

"I will not release my hand until you agree to hand over Tessaiga_ immediately _and forget about whatever my father wrote." Smug.

"Mmh! Mmfhp! Mm m!" Protest.

"And, you will _forget_ about your so-called 'logical' explanation." Smirk.

"Mmphf!" More protest.

"Agreed? Just nod or sha- UGH! You _licked _me!" Disgust.

"Ha! That never fails to work!" Triumphant.

"That is the most _un-ladylike_ behavior I have ever had the misfortune to encounter." Disgust.

"… sure, but it worked." Evil grin.

"…keh. Ugh, my head. Kagome, I just had the _worst_ dream. It was that Dad decided that you should marry _Lord Knight Sesshomaru._ Did I ever tell you about Sesshomaru? He's a jerk. A real ass." Groggy. Just coming to.

"…" Silence.

"Inuyasha!" Joyful.

"Ugh, Kagome, get off of me. My head hurts." Fondly gruff.

"Inuyasha, it wasn't a dream." Cautious.

"WHAT?!" Shocked. Explosion. As in, KABOOM.

"…hn." Smirk.

"…" Glare.

"…" Glare.

"Stop glaring at me, you pathetic excuse for a knight and a lady." Smug.

"… I hate you." Stating the obvious.

"… Wow, that comes as a big surprise, _Sir_ Inuyasha. My heart aches because my _former squire_ hates me." Sarcasm. Lots of it.

"I hate you, too. You and your smug 'I'm the Lord Sir Sesshomaru of the Western Lands, Head of House Taisho, Lord of the Western Lands, Bearer of Mr. Fluffy-kins' act is _really_ starting to grate on my nerves." Angry.

"…hn." Apathetic.

"…keh." Arched eyebrow. Admiring of her fiery flare.

"Yup. Any minute now, I'm going to have a 'I'm a weak, simpering, noblewoman and a damsel in distress to boot because I might have to marry the biggest prick of all (excluding Tessaiga, damn that sword)' breakdown. Seriously." Dainty sniff.

"…" Suppressed amusement.

"... K-kagome." Giggling helplessly in a most un-Knightly and un-Lordly manner.

"Ha! I heard that snort, Lord Knight! A crack in your 'I'm so cool and apathetic and un-chivalric' armor!" Triumphant smirk.

"Wench, you would do well to shut up." Annoyed.

"Kagome, I'd be quiet if I were you… Just let me handle him!" Worried. Cocky.

"Pfft! As if I'd let the Oh- So- Great Sir Sesshomaru scare m-" Surprised. _Extremely_ surprised. Highly embarrassed.

"…" Smug. Planning on a triumphant smirk.

"WHAT THE FUCK, SESSHOMARU!" Alarmed. Extremely surprised. Shocked beyond words.

"I am only fulfilling our noble father's wish." Smirk.

"You _kissed_ me, you ass!" Shocked and outraged.

"At least it shut you up." Smug.

"You're a real jerk, you know. You and your smugness." Half-hearted insult. Still recuperating from shock.

"I know. I believe I heard a certain knight say it once or twice." Blandly.

"… hate you BEYOND words. Just fulfilling Dad's wishes my ass." Angry.

"… _real_, ass. Biggest jerk _ev-_" Forcibly shut up. Again.

"…" Forcibly shut her up. Again.

"…" Fainted. Again.

**A/N:**

**The END. xD**

**-smirk-**

**Please tell me what you thought of the dialogue-ish thing. It was kind of weird, but I enjoyed writing it. xD**

**Aes Sedai- **


End file.
